Chris' Wedding
by Asifweneversaidgoodbye
Summary: CrissColfer! Prompt: Darren is in love with Chris for such a long time. But he once said that he's straight and he has to act like that since the interview. Now Chris is getting married and Darren has to watch it even when his heart is breaking.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:Hi guys! Thank you so much for your sweet reviews to 'Perfect Match'! It really means the world to me you actually take the time to that for me! I can't really thank you enough!**

**A special thanks to Madzialenka, for giving me those lovely messages! Thanks hun!**

**So here's another prompt!**

**It's a bit long, but it's already finished so I can update quickly! **

**Prompt;**

Darren is in love with Chris for such a long time. But he once said that he's straight and he has to act like that since the interview. Now Chris is getting married and Darren has to watch it even when his heart is breaking.

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Chris/Darren/Chris his potentional husband or anything else!**

**There you go!**

**Chapter 1**

Excited chattering surrounded me, the common squealing and laughing popping out of the buzzing noise now and then. I had no idea what got everyone in such a good and happy mood, but I was about to find out.

"Hey guys!" I said enthusiastically, greeting Lea, Cory and Kevin that were in the middle of a conversation.

They looked up with even bigger grins on their faces, eyes shining with joy. Did I miss that it was almost Christmas?

"Darren!" Lea said loudly and pulled me in to her arms with unknown force.

She may have been little, but she was a truly powerful woman.

"Lea," I greeted her and hugged her back.

"Hi hun," Amber said.

"Dude," Cory just said, Finn-like.

I nodded to both and rubbed my hands against each other.

"So what happened? What rumor did I miss?" I asked and saw Lea almost starting to bounce up an down.

"Didn't you hear?" she asked in a very high tone.

"No?" I replied and looked questioningly at Cory, hoping he would give me some head up.

"It's Chris!" she said, grinning as a maniac and looking at me like I just won the lottery.

My heart jumped up at that, stomach dropping. Chris?

"What about him?" I asked, hearing the strain in my voice, but knowing nobody noticed it anyway.

Nobody ever noticed.

Lea pressed her lips tightly to hold in her words just to make me even more anxious and dreadful. Although she probably thought it was just to keep it exciting.

And then the bombshell dropped, making my body freeze, my heart shatter in two thousand pieces and my ears to start buzzing with a high pitched peep that had nothing to do with Lea's voice.

"He's going to get married!"

**AN: Aaah cliffie! Haha, I know you still love me! Well, I hope you do... Chapter two will be updated tonight (it's 5 pm here). Let me know what you think for now!**

**Love you all!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for the reviews and the alerts! As usual they brightened my day! I really hope you'll like this story. It took me a while to write it, although I'm not sure why...**

**So here is part II!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

_"___It's Chris!" she said, grinning as a maniac and looking at me like I just won the lottery.__

__My heart jumped up at that, stomach dropping. Chris?__

_"___What about him?" I asked, hearing the strain in my voice, but knowing nobody noticed it anyway.__

__Nobody ever noticed.__

__Lea pressed her lips tightly to hold in her words just to make me even more anxious and dreadful. Although she probably thought it was just to keep it exciting.__

__And then the bombshell dropped, making my body freeze, my heart shatter in two thousand pieces and my ears to start ringing cause of a high pitched peep that had nothing to do with Lea's voice.__

_"___He's going to get married!__

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><p><strong>Part II<strong>

Amber squealed in excitement and Lea laughed loudly.

Was there really a reason to laugh when your best friend- no, you the person you were completely in love with, was about to marry somebody else? Was there even a reason to still _exist _when that was about to happen?

"Isn't it exciting!" Amber asked happily and patted my arm.

I forced a strained smile on my face, trying to ignore the stinging, aching pain I felt in my chest. Not that I could ignore it, because it was so extremely painful that I felt like I could just fall apart literally. This must be how it feels to get your heart broken.

"Darren?" Lea asked, sounding worried.

I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything except for the searing throbbing pain I felt going through my body, feeling as if someone tried to tear my heart out with an invisible force.

But then a crystal clear voice, soft as a lullaby and warm as a early spring day broke through my dazed mind.

"Darren!"

Trying to blink away my blurry vision my eyes started to focus on the beautiful person in front of me.

Chris.

The sight of him made my stomach jump up, my breath catching in my throat.

"Oh my god! Did you hear? Ofcourse you did, Lea can't keep _anything _for herself. Oh my gosh I'm so excited! I couldn't wait to tell you, but everyone kept me busy! I'm sorry! But Dare! I'm getting married!" Chris rambled with so much excitement and happiness in his voice that it broke my heart over and over again.

Suddenly my arms were full of him, his cheek warm against my head and his breath ghosting against my throat, making me shiver.

"Can you believe it? I'm getting married!" he said, voice high and full of love for another person.

My arms enfolded him automatically, trained to hold on to him whenever I could, because I've always known that I couldn't have him any other way than just as a best friend.

"And now you're here I can finally ask…" he said, pulling back a little so he could look me in the eye.

Did he really not notice that the light in my eyes had gone out? That every word made me crumble? That his voice, eyes, body and _smell _made me ache and hurt in a way that would leave scars?

"Do you want to be my best man?"

-tbc-

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><p><strong>AN: And another cliffy! Hurray! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Cheers! Haha I couldn't resist. Sorry. But no worries! I'll update soon enough and you know it ;) I think you're also pleased to hear I started writing the next chapter of IFSLY as well. Not sure when it's done, because I still have soooo little time. But I do my best for you guys! <strong>

**Thank you! And let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Since this chapter is so short I can just update it today as well right? I'm sure you don't mind! ;) Here you go!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

_"___Can you believe it? I'm getting married!" he said, voice high and full of love for another person than me.__

__My arms enfolded him automatically, trained to hold on to him whenever I could, because I've always known that I couldn't have him any other way than just as a best friend.__

_"___And now you're here I can finally ask…" he said, pulling back a little so he could look me in the eye.__

__Did he really not notice that the light in my eyes had gone out? That every word made me crumble? That his voice, eyes, body and smell made me ache and hurt in a way that would leave scars?__

_"___Do you want to be my best man?"__

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><p><strong>Part III<strong>

Eyes wide and mouth hanging open I just stared at him. His face radiating nerves and devotion.

"Me?" I could only ask and tried to swallow away the lump that had formed in my throat.

"No, Chewbacca. Ofcourse you, silly! Who else could I possibly want for such an important job?" he asked me and let his eyes dart between mine.

My hands started shaking and I felt like my whole world just came crushing down. Weren't there boundaries to hurt? I really thought the idea of Chris getting married was hurtful enough. But his wish for me to be there, right at his side, being the most important man for him - next to his husband that is - in the whole process? It was just too much.

"Dare?" Chris asked me now, eyebrows furrowing and his lower lip pouting slightly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

This was Chris. My best friend. My other half. The guy who meant the world to me. The person that knew me like no other. The man who was _it _for me. But he was someones other half as well. He meant the world to another guy who meant the world to him too. He wanted someone else. He was going to _marry_somebody else. He was going to be my friend, and nothing more than that, for the rest of our lives. And no it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I wished, but it was all I was going to get. And even though it killed me to realize this, having Chris as a friend was still better than having no Chris at all. So I opened my eyes and put the little bit of life and energy I had left into a forced smile.

"I'd be honored, Chris."

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><p><strong>AN: The end.<strong>

**Naaaaaaah just kidding! ;) **

**So what do you think untill now? Is Darren being an idiot? Is Chris being an idiot? Who loves who? Why doesn't Chris see what he's doing to Dare? Let me know what you think!  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: So this chapter is a bit of a filler but it'll lead to important things! And as you've noticed I update quick so don't hate me! :)**

**Here you go!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

__This was Chris. My best friend. My other half. The guy who meant the world to me. The person that knew me like no other. The man who was it for me. But he was someones other half as well. He meant the world to another guy who meant the world to him too. He wanted someone else. He was going to marrysomebody else. He was going to be my friend, and nothing more than that, for the rest of our lives. And no it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I wished, but it was all I was going to get. And even though it killed me to realize this, having Chris as a friend was still better than having no Chris at all. So I opened my eyes and put the little bit of life and energy I had left into a forced smile.__

_"___I'd be honored, Chris."__

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><p><strong>Part IV<strong>

His face buried into my neck instantly, arms trying to hold me as close as possible.

With my arms around him I couldn't help but feel lost. What was to come of me after this? Was I really going to be able to stand next to him on the altar, giving him the rings, the final sealing of a love that had nothing to do with me? With us?

"You don't know how much that means to me," Chris whispered hoarsely, his tears suddenly falling on my shoulder.

Was he crying?

"I couldn't have done it if you wouldn't be there, you know," he said now, lips moving against my neck, making shivers run down my spine.

I scoffed, trying to not see anything in his words. I've done that the last three years and see where it got me. Holding him in his arms when he was about to marry someone else.

"Ofcourse you could have," I just said and closed my eyes, knowing and understanding now that Chris could do anything without me.

He would never need me anymore.

Somebody else would take care of him now.

"No I wouldn't. I'm serious Dare. Can you- Do you have something to do right now?" Chris asked and let go of me, suddenly looking anxiously at me.

I didn't even register that there were still people around us. Colleagues. Friends. It was actually pretty pathetic how much I didn't notice when Chris was around. I'm sure I could have become really close friends with the rest of the gleecast if I'd tried. But I didn't. Because I had Chris and he had been enough for me. I clearly hadn't been enough for him, that much was clear now.

"Not really," I said trying to hide the miserable thoughts I was having.

"Then come with me. I've got something to show you," he said and grabbed my hand.

I glanced at our entangled fingers, noticing for the millionth time how perfectly they fitted. Looking up again I noticed the hesitant and doubtful look Chris had on his face. Shit, I was letting my true emotions sipping through and he was starting to notice. Putting on a fake smile I nodded.

"Sure! Let's go."

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><p><strong>AN: Aww poor Darren! Why didn't he let Chris know for crying out loud?You'd think after being in so much fanfiction he'd <em>know<em> the right thing to do is just tell Chris. I mean. He always thinks the same doesn't he? ;) I'm sure they'll be okay! Since I write them I actually _know_ that haha. **

**But please still review and act like you're scared they'll never be together ever! ;) I love the respons this story gets! **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: What do you think Chris has to show him? You'll find out! **

What happened last:

"__Then come with me. I've got something to show you," he said and grabbed my hand. __

__I glanced at our entangled fingers, noticing for the millionth time how perfectly they fitted. Looking up again I noticed the hesitant and doubtful look Chris had on his face. Shit, I was letting my true emotions sipping through and he was starting to notice. Putting on a fake smile I nodded.__

_"___Sure! Let's go." __

_**Part V**_

"So what did you want to show me?" I asked Chris nervously, trying to ignore the way his whole trailer smelled like him, trying to forget all the moments we spend cuddled up on his couch, laughing, talking, singing, cuddling.

"Well, since you're my best man," he said and give me a dazzling smile when he said the last two words, beaming at me with happiness and thankfulness. "You're supposed to give a speech you know? At the end of the day. Sooo. When I went through some old stuff of myself I found a letter I wrote the year before I started Glee. And I-" he said, stopping mid sentence and letting his gaze drift away for a few seconds before he went on. "I think you should read that letter before you start on the speech…" he said and walked away from me to open the drawer from his coffeetable.

"Here," he said and gave me a neatly folded letter, looking like it was written on a college notebook. Which it was probably.

Besides everything this little piece of Chris felt like something so precious I was tempted to hide it away from everyone, knowing I was the only one who'd ever read this. It was a piece of Chris from before everyone knew him. Before he was Chris Colfer, Golden Globe winner and very important man for lots of people. It was a piece of Chris when he was still that. Just Chris. I smiled at him, hoping I could show my gratitude for entrusting me with something so personal, even though I didn't even know what was on it. He smiled back, letting me know he understood me and meant it.

"Alright, I'm off to read this then," I said, because I really wanted to read it and I just needed to get out of here. Away from him. Away from his place. Away from everything.

"Alright, I'll see you soon okay? Good luck with it! And thank you so much Dare. It really means the world to me. Next to Hannah you're the most important person in my life, you know that right?" he asked me sincerely, letting his sparkling blue eyes lock with mine, taking my breath away as always.

I didn't even notice that he didn't mention Thomas. The guy he was supposed to get married too. I only noticed that he looked at me with so much devotion and adoration that at that moment I hated him.

How could he look at me like that and still say yes to someone else?

"I'll see you," I only said, not able to return his sentiment, because it would tear me up.

Not waiting for a reply I left his trailer with the letter clutched in my hand.

Anxiousness filled my mind. What was I about to read in it? Would it change my view of Chris? Would it make me accept this wedding? And how the hell was I supposed to write an actual _speech _about how happy I was for the two of them and how much they deserved each other?

Groaning inwardly I entered my own trailer, slumping down my couch.

Darren what kind of mess have you turned yourself into…

**AN: Indeed Darren. What the hell? Listen to the readers! Just TELL him! *sigh* Ah well. We still love him don't we? :D What do you think is in the letter? And will it make a difference? Let me know! **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: The letter! Yeey!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

__How could he look at me like that and still say yes to someone else?__

_"___I'll see you," I only said, not able to return his sentiment, because it would tear me up.__

__Not waiting for a reply I left his trailer with the letter clutched in my hand. __

__Anxiousness filled my mind. What was I about to read in it? Would it change my view of Chris? Would it make me accept this wedding? And how the hell was I supposed to write an actual speech about how happy I was for the two of them and how much they deserved each other?__

__Groaning inwardly I entered my own trailer, slumping down my couch.__

__Darren what kind of mess have you turned yourself into…__

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><p><strong>Part VI<strong>

Opening the letter with trembling fingers I couldn't help but smile at the familiar handwriting even though it was slightly different from the way Chris wrote now. The knowledge that this was the handwriting in which he wrote his stories, the stories that became world famous after their publishing, made me feel something close to awe.

Shaking my head slightly, trying to get rid of the love sick puppy look that was surely on my face, I started to read the letter.

—

_22-7-2007_

_Since I don't have anyone to write this too, I thought it would be a good idea to write this to myself._

_So._

_Dear Chris,_

_Today was the day you found out that you probably will never ever be with someone. Not that you really thought you'd be someday, but today changed your opinion about that. How many times didn't I tell you to not fall for guys who are only in there for the sex? No you didn't have sex with him, but when you denied him the access sort of speaking, you got dumped and he left without even a glance. Again. Why did you even try anyway? You're gay. You know that. But apparently in this little old city there are no other gays like you. They all want one thing only. And I know you like romance, you like friendship, you like all the deeper things that are supposed to go with love, according to the movies and books, but I'm just gonna break it to you. It's a lie. It's all a lie. Love isn't like it is described in the happy ending stories. It's cruel, heartless and ruthless. It takes everything from you and gives nothing in return. I'm actually glad you found out today, because better early then late right? But don't freak out or get sad. It's just the way life is. And you know what? There are a lot of other things you can achieve in life. On your own. No. Don't frown like that, there are! Listen to me. I'm gonna make a list of things you'll succeed in._

_1. You're going to finish your story, find a publicist and publish it.  
>2. You're going to be a professional actor<br>3. You're going to sing and people will love it. Stop whining about your high voice.  
>4. You're going to write movies. Yes. MovieS. More of them. And they are all going to be a succes<br>5. You're going to find something or someone that will be able to help your sister, because after you crossed of the first 4 of this list, you know enough people and you'll have enough money to achieve this. _

_And you know how you'll be after all this? You'll finally be happy with yourself. You didn't let this morons hold you back. You didn't prove them right. You proved yourself right. Because even though you hate a lot of things in your live, I truly believe that you can make a difference. You're going to show the world who you are, who guys from your age can be and prove them that if you don't follow your dreams, you'll never make them come true. But if you try your hardest you at least have proven that you are not a quitter. _

_And I can hear you say 'but.. alone?'. Yes, Chris. Alone. Accept yourself. Accept the fact that there's no one for you, but that it doesn't matter. Because you'll always be able to create a world, just like your did with your stories, in which things are better. Hold on to that fact and live your life the fullest._

_I know you can do it and I believe in you, even on days when you're doubting._

_I see you when you win your first Emmy. Or something alike._

_Love,_

_Chris_

_-tbc!-_

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><p><strong>AN: So what did you think of the letter? Let me know! And what do you think Darren will do after reading this? I'm curious about your opinion! :) <strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: And because you had to wait so long for chapter six, here is seven! Darren's reaction to the letter!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

__Chris gave Darren a letter from a couple of years ago so he could write his wedding speech better as his best man.__

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><p><strong>Part VII<strong>

To say I wasn't crying after reading that letter was a lie. Tears were running down my face in silence, heart aching for a boy I didn't even know then. A boy who turned into a man and made all his dreams come true. A man that fought for what he wanted and didn't let anyone hold him back.

Why did Chris give me this letter?

Did he want me to say all the things I just thought in a speech? I couldn't possibly do that. Not that he didn't deserve those words, he absolutely did, but I just knew I could never get those words out of my mouth with a straight face that showed no tears or grief. What good would it do Chris if I'd stand there like a blabbering idiot who was also trying to hide his heartbreak?

Nothing.

Why the hell did I say yes?

How was I supposed to act the part? Reading the letter again I suddenly knew why Chris gave me the letter.

He mentioned that he will make his dreams come true even though if it meant he'd never find anyone to share them with. He actually sounds pretty damn sure that he will _never _find someone to share them with. To _be_ with. Why did he always felt so little of himself in that way? Wait, no. It wasn't that Chris thought too little of himself. He just found out that all the guys around him weren't good enough for him. And he was actually pretty right about that. Who could ever be good enough for him? He was so talented, beautiful, attractive, sharp, stunning, _perfect _that nobody could ever fulfill the space that was next to him. Young Chris knew that. Why didn't he remember that now? Yes, Thomas was a decent guy, but he was just that. Decent. Normal. Nothing really extraordinary. God, how I wished I was Thomas right now.

Sighing in annoyance of myself I grabbed my notebook, hoping the inspiration for my speech would come. Maybe I could even sing it. I started out with a list.

_'__Chris & Thomas' _stood on the top of the list.

Alright. What do they have in common? What is their spark? What makes them a perfect couple? Thinking really hard I wrote down what I could think of. In the end I looked at my list and snorted.

_Chris & Thomas_

_- Thomas Colfer sounds nice  
>- Thomas is nice and Chris is the sweetest person ever<br>- Chris is amazing and Thomas would be a fool for letting him go  
>- They both have humor<br>- Screw that one. Thomas is funny. Chris is fucking hilarious  
>- Chris can sing very very very well and Thomas is a good whistler<br>- Chris can act amazing and Thomas doesn't know when Chris is acting or not  
>- Thomas makes Chris happy<em>

What the fuck did I just do? I couldn't even _think_ of good reasons why they should be together. Why didn't I convince myself to spend some more time with the two of them? Yeah, I knew _why_, but it seemed pretty inconvenient right now. Sighing I lay back and took the pen in my hand again.

_Chris & Darren_

Smiling I tried to gather all the thoughts that ran through my head right now, trying to get them on the little piece of paper. Writing them all down I dozed off, with a very content smile on my face.

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><p><strong>AN: I for one am very curious about what he wrote underneath those names. What would you think Darren wrote? You'll find out in the last chapter (chapter 10)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: So Darren wrote a list about Thomas and Chris. That didn't work out too well. Now he wrote a Chris and Darren list. You're about to find out what happened! (God I sound like a discovery documentary...) Thanks for the reviews/private messages again! You guys are the best!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

__What the fuck did I just do? I couldn't even think of good reasons why they should be together. Why didn't I convince myself to spend some more time with the two of them? Yeah, I knew why, but it seemed pretty inconvenient right now. Sighing I lay back and took the pen in my hand again.__

__Chris & Darren__

__Smiling I tried to gather all the thought that went through my head right now, trying to get them on the little piece of paper. Writing them all down I dozed off, with a very content smile on my face.__

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><p><strong>Part VIII<strong>

I woke up from a sound I couldn't quite place. Blinking away my blurriness I stretched out and looked at the direction of the sound. Sitting there, slumped on the ground, was Chris. The sight of him made me smile immediately and a greeting was already forming on my lips.

But then he looked up.

His eyes were tear stricken, red and puffy. The paper in his hand, which I only now recognized, was shaking, showing how much his hand was trembling. His left hand was lifted to his mouth to hold in the broken sobs that wanted to escape his lips desperately.

Fuck.

He knew.

"Chris, I can explain!" was my immediate reaction, jolting up, every fiber in my being focused on fixing this.

Chris just shook his head and backed away on the floor, scrambling clumsy and hitting the table with his back.

He winced in pain and let the paper fall to the floor.

"_Fuck_," I muttered underneath my breath. "Are you okay?" I asked and put out a hand to check him.

Chris flinched away from my touch and tried to stand up, almost loosing his balance while doing so.

"I have to go," he said in a voice I only ever heard from him when he was playing a character, when he was playing _Kurt_.

"Chris, don't-" I tried, but Chris had put all his walls back on, the walls he never had on with me.

Not even the first time we've had met.

"You have no fucking idea what you just did, so _please_ just let me leave," Chris whispered through his tears, closing his eyes to keep in the hurt and anger which I could hear anyway.

"Chris, I'm sorry," I whispered, not even noticing that I was crying as well.

I had found the most beautiful person that ever existed and I was about to let him walk away.

Out of my trailer and out of my life.

"Don't be. I'm pretty used to it, but you know that," Chris said softly eyes catching mine suddenly and blowing me away with its intensiveness.

God, he looked so _hurt_ and _broken_ and it was all _my_ fault.

"I think you should skip the speech. Hell, skip the best man part," he said with his hand on the doorknob.

My heart broke in a thousand little pieces, _again_.

The only thing that left my lips was his name in a broken whisper. Chris turned around, noticing that I was on my knees, on the floor behind him. Begging him to stay. To let me explain. His eyes took up my form, looking at me with something close to loathing and it made me shiver, already hating myself probably even more than he hated me now.

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><p><strong>AN: Noooo Chris! What are you doing? And Darren hold on to his ankles! Idiots. Just kiss and tadaaa. Loveeee loveeee loveee. <strong>

**Ah well. Never say never ;)**

**So. Do you hate me already?**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I won't hold you up after that evil cliffie! Go read!**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

_"___Chris, I'm sorry," I whispered, not even noticing that I was crying as well.__

__I had found the most beautiful person that ever existed and I was about to let him walk away.__

__Out of my trailer and out of my life.__

_"___Don't be. I'm pretty used to it, but you know that," Chris said softly eyes catching mine suddenly and blowing me away with its intensiveness. __

__God, he looked so hurt and broken and it was all my fault. __

_"___I think you should skip the speech. Hell, skip the best man part," he said with his hand on the doorknob. __

__My heart broke in a thousand little pieces, again. __

__The only thing that left my lips was his name in a broken whisper. Chris turned around, noticing that I was on my knees, on the floor behind him. Begging him to stay. To let me explain. His eyes took up my form, looking at me with something close to loathing and it made me shiver, already hating myself probably even more than he hated me now.__

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><p><strong>Part IX<strong>

"I think… you shouldn't come at all," Chris said, gave me one last look and took off.

The slam of the door had never sounded so hard in my whole life.

My body sagged to the ground, my frame shaking with broken sobs, my eyes clenched shut and my fingers clawing at the floor.

I screwed up.

Big time.

Feeling how pathetic I was, lying on the floor like this, my mind was only focused on one thing.

Fixing whatever is left of you and Chris.

Pushing myself from the ground I tried to stand up, ignoring my shaky legs. Walking towards my door I opened it, trembling with anxiousness and fear.

_What if it was too late?_

Before I almost stepped outside I saw the little paper lying on the floor, crumbled but still very readable.

It needed to come along.

It started everything so it should end it as welll.

Grabbing the paper I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath.

_I could do this. _

Or at least I fucking hoped I could.

Walking through the trailer park made my heart beat faster and faster. What if someone came out and saw me looking like this? I probably looked like _shit_. What if Chris didn't open his door? What if he'd never talk to me again?

Fuckfuckfuck.

_Don't_ think like that!

Almost reaching his trailer I noticed that I started walking slower. Apparently my unconscious was nervous as well.

"Hey Criss!" someone behind me yelled in a very familiar voice.

Turning around I suddenly noticed Ashley walking up on me.

"Ash? What are you doing here?" I asked her with surprise, already moving forward to give her a hug.

Instead of getting a hug in return I could feel her push me away.

What the actual fuck?

Looking up I saw the narrowing of her eyes.

"What am _I_ doing here? I could ask you the same. Apparently you have made my boy cry._Apparently_ you made his best day his worst. _Apparently_ I have to kick the living shit out of you because _you_. Hurt. _My_. Boy. So. Where do you want your first hit. Pick." Ashley said in a menacing tone, looking so serious I actually backed away a little.

Hey, she could be pretty damn intimidating!

"What? No! Oh fuck, he _called_ you? Why! I … Fuck. You fucking idiot!" I yelled out loud.

"Hey you're talking about my guy here and I already threatened you, you know?"

"I'm talking about myself! For gods sake fucking moron." I muttered again and bumped my fist against my forehead, relishing a little in the pain it caused.

"Ash, you've gotta help me. I screwed up. I fucking screwed up and I'm _so fucking _sorry! Please Ash, let me talk to him. If he still throws me out you can kick me wherever you want. I'll even encourage you. But _please_ let me have this one talk," I rambled, begging her with everything that I had.

Ashley looked at me for three seconds.

"Give me that list," she ordered and put out her hand.

Without doubting my choice I gave it to her, confident that she was the only one who would treat it right.

Her eyes started to read the whole list and in the end she gave it back to me, giving away nothing with the way she watched me.

"Is it true?"

Without thinking I immediately replied.

"Yes."

She nodded once.

"Alright. Go get him loverboy. But if you screw this up. And I'm serious about it, so listen good. If you screw this up, I'm gonna make your life a living hell, okay?"

"You're the best! I owe you one," I said, sincerely and sprinted the last couple of yards towards Chris' trailer.

I only had one chance left and I was about to make the best of it.

-tbc! Only one part left!-

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><p><strong>AN: Ah I can't resist Ashley. She's just so precious and I love her friendship with Chris! So only one part left guys! Only one more chapter in which Darren can make it up! Will he succeed? <strong>

**I hope you still like this story! **


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Without further ado, here is the last part! (okay I admit. I felt threatened by Hanna..)**

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><p>What happened last:<p>

__Her eyes started to read the whole list and in the end she gave it back to me, giving away nothing with the way she watched me.__

_"___Is it true?"__

__Without thinking I immediately replied.__

_"___Yes."__

__She nodded once.__

_"___Alright. Go get him loverboy. But if you screw this up. And I'm serious about it, so listen good. If you screw this up, I'm gonna make your life a living hell, okay?"__

_"___You're the best! I owe you one," I said, sincerely and sprinted the last couple of yards towards Chris' trailer.__

__I only had one chance left and I was about to make the best of it.__

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><p><strong>Part X<strong>

My knocking on the door sounded too loud, making me feel even more anxious than I already was.

Within ten seconds the door was open and with that I suddenly had a sobbing Chris in my arms, clinging at me like I was his last lifeline.

"Ash! Thank _god_ you're here. He-_he_…"

Suddenly Chris noticed he wasn't in Ashley's arms. With that realization he jerked back, hands in front of his mouth and eyes widened in shock.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?" he yelled at me, making me wince, because _fuck_ that actually hurt.

The door closed behind me, shutting everyone out from this conversation.

This was something between me and Chris and _no one_ needed to intervene.

Turning around I locked the door up, quickly turning around before Chris would start to yell again. Letting my eyes finally rest on Chris, made me realize Chris looked more fragile than I had ever seen him.

He looked like a broken man.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head slightly.

"God, Chris, I'm so sorry. I'm so _fucking_ sorry."

A harsh laugh sounded through the air and I opened my eyes to observe his reaction.

He looked like he was holding in so many things, giving me an unbelieving glare.

"Just tell me Dare. What were you thinking when you were writing that list? Huh? Tell me."

I opened my mouth to start to explain, but one flash of his eyes stopped me again.

"Were you thinking about how you could prank me? How it would be fun to give _that_ speech on _my wedding_? Or did you think it would be funny to point out that Thomas and I have _nothing_ in common? Tell me, Darren."

Eyes filled with frustration, regret and disappointment were glaring at me, making me feel terribly small.

But he was giving me a chance to explain and I wasn't gonna shoot it down.

"I was thinking none of those things Chris. I thought about reasons for you and Thom to be a good couple. And then I blamed myself for not hanging out with the two of you that much. Because I'm sure I could have thought of better reasons for you to be good together. But frankly? I don't want you to be good together."

"Stop it. Shut up. Shut _up! _You _can't _do this Darren. If… if that list is telling the truth… Goddamnit! Fuck you Darren! Why? _Why?_ Why would you do that to me? You've read my letter! You know I thought I'd never found someone that would want me for me. And now I finally have somebody and you do this. You're screwing this all up! Fuck!" Chris yelled, half screamed in his frustration while his tears still streamed down his face.

I made Chris _cry_. Chris never cried.

But… Why was Chris doubting what I had written?

"I'm _sorry_, okay? I am! Chris, believe me! I've read your letter, yes! It made me cry! Fuck it. I'm _not_gonna apologize for making this list," I said with determination and grabbed the list from my pocket.

Chris eyes immediately focused on it.

"Oh so you're not sorry? Well that makes you apology not accepted then," he said and walked towards his door. Probably so he could kick me out and never see me again.

"Chris, no," I said and stopped him by holding him back by his wrist. "Hear me out. If you still hate me when I explained everything, you can kick me out all you want and I will do my very best to not bother you ever again. But _please_, Chris."

His eyes closed in recognition and his lipped reduced to thin lines. "One chance, Darren," his soft voice whispered.

I took a deep breath, hoping and praying this was going to turn out in a good way, although I knew those chances were very little.

"This list, Chris. It's true," I said and noticed the way his eyes widened and his lips parted, giving me the courage to go on. "And I am sorry. Not for making it, but for not telling you any of those things sooner. I-I'm such an idiot. I didn't want to tell you because I was convinced you don't feel the same and I didn't want to loose you as my friend. God, Chris, you're my best friend. I can't imagine my life without you and… seeing you like this. It fucking breaks my heart. I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. I just… Well you know how I feel about you now, and that's kind of the reason why I don't want you to be with _him_either. But you shouldn't let me hold you back I guess. I don't have any rights whatsoever."

Finishing my little speech which probably didn't make any sense at all I kept my eyes trained on Chris, watching his reaction.

His face was unreadable, breathing coming out labored, eyes boring deep into mine.

Guessing what I thought he was trying to show me, I gasped.

"You don't believe me," I stated, gathering from his reaction that I was right my assumption.

Panic settled into my stomach, a little voice in my head yelling at me that I needed to show him that it _was_ true.

"Let me show you," I whispered, suddenly afraid to break the bubble we seem to be in.

Knowing the list by heart because I've felt and thought all of those things for months now, I started to recite it.

"Darren and Chris, they just _worked_ from the very start," I said and smiled softly. "Remember that Chris? When we went to dinner immediately and we laughed and talked the entire evening?"

I didn't wait for an answer, just took a step back, pulling Chris with me.

"They've got all the same interests. And with all, it's literally _all_."

Another step.

"They play the most believable, the most sweet and the greatest gay couple on television. And it really doesn't need _that_ much acting if you ask me."

I blushed at this, already presuming with this one that Chris was feeling the same about me. Nevertheless I took another step backwards.

"Their cuddles make people jealous and left out, which they should by the way." I said and dared to grin a little, watching how the corners of his mouth lift up.

We finally reached the couch and I made us sit down.

"Their kisses are hot and they both know it," I said while looking at his lips, feeling damn well Chris looked at mine too.

"Their hands fit perfectly. Like two missing puzzle pieces and it always makes Darren feel content and save." I said and let my fingers slip from his wrist to his hand, entangling our fingers.

Chris didn't pull back and I let it count as a victory.

"They complete each other in everything. Both very talented, both still normal, both cheering each other on and both always having the best intentions for each other."

Chris smiled and nodded, making my heart skip a beat.

"Their voices compliment each other in a beautiful way. BICO is still the song that's set as my alarm you know?"

A snort escaped Chris lips.

"Darren can imagine being with Chris is the best thing in the world," I now say, tone completely serious again, only just daring to look him in the eye.

Chris' hand tenses in mine, but there was no turning back now.

"Darren can't stand the fact that Chris was going to marry some other guy."

Chris tried to tug his hand back, but I didn't let him.

"Darren wished Chris would marry him, some day."

"Darren-" Chris started in a warning tone.

"Darren loves Chris," I said and hold on to Chris with all my might.

"I love you Chris."

Chris just closed his eyes, giving me no insight of what he felt. Of what he thought.

"Please say something," I begged him, voice reduced to a whisper now.

"Darren, I can't. You have no idea- I _can't._" His voice sounded pained.

"Why not?" I asked and couldn't squash down the flicker of hope.

He didn't said he didn't love me. He said he _couldn't _love me. Which could mean that he actually _did_love me!

"I-Thom."

A tension filled silence fell over us.

Thomas. Ofcourse. Fucking Thomas. Well he could fuck off.

"Do you love him?" I asked and took hold of both Chris' hands.

Surprise was written all over his face.

"I-What do you mean?" he asked.

"It's a simple question Chris. Do you love him?"

His gaze fell down, fingers starting to tremble against mine.

"Yeah."

My breath caught in my throat.

"Oh my god. You don't really love him! You're just settling for him! Fuck, _why_ Chris? You could have so much better! You can have _anyone_!" I said, desperation in my words.

Chris' head shot up, looking at me with fierce defensiveness and anger.

"No, I could _not_ Dare. I was settling for nothing. And suddenly there was he! And he actually loves me! He wants to marry me. I- I really care about him. And when we're married I'm sure I'll be able to love him. Eventually." Chris said, tone indifferent.

"I can't believe you. I-"

"Then don't."

"Do you love me?" I asked Chris, very aware of the fact that this could solve the whole situation or would let it all crash down.

Silence was my response, eyes suddenly filled with doubt and fear. The only thing I could do was wait. Even though the waiting was agonizing.

"I don't know," Chris said softly, eyes looking down, not daring to look at me.

"Hey," I said softly, putting my index finger underneath his chin to pull up his face.

Smiling softly I let my eyes fall down to his lips, wanting so badly to kiss him, but knowing I probably shouldn't.

"Do it."

A soft whisper, almost too soft to be heard, but my body instantly reacted, pushing forwards and pressing my lips against his. Our lips met in a familiar yet still exciting way. My right hand slipped from his chin to his cheek, pressing him closer while my other hand tangled in his hair.

Chris opened his lips lightly when I traced his lower lip with my tongue, granting me access to let the kiss go deeper. When our tongues met a combined moan sounded through the trailer, making the hairs at my neck stand up.

One hand fisted in my shirt, while the other grasped the back of my head, pulling me in.

Fuck, this felt so _good._

No, it felt _right_.

The lack of air tore us apart, eyes dazed and lips still tingling.

Our fingers met in a hesitant but always fitting manner, catching both our gazes.

"Yes," Chris said and filled that one syllable with so many feelings it actually overwhelmed me.

"Yes?" I asked him with wonder.

Chris smiled, eyes boring into mine, nodding once.

"Yes, I love you."

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><p><strong>AN: So that was it! I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! 3 Thanks for reading and liking it! As always your reviews make me feel very giddy and proud! You guys encourage me to keep writing and that means the world to me! So thank you!<strong>

**Lots of love and fluffiness,**

**Sjell**


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